ARE YOU FAIR, MEDIUM OR DARK?

I had to go to the police station recently (for the first time, I swear!) to get a background check for a new job. My observations during the hour I spent there could fill several blogs, but I want to chat about one of the interesting blanks I had to complete on my application.

After the standard height, weight, color of eyes, and color of hair (you see my picture---I answered "CLEAR"), the form asked for my "complexion." H-m-m-m---I knew where they were going here, but I decided to screw around with the lady behind the window when my number was called.

I thought maybe she'd be up for a little frivolity because when she called #76 she followed with a short rendition of "76 trombones led the big parade----." So when it was my turn I said, "Hi. Since you called #76 I've been anxious to see what you might come up with for my #83 because I couldn't think of a thing. Now if I'd been #96 you'd have probably done that one by ? and the Mysterians, right? 'You're gonna cry 96 tears-----.' So what have you got for me?"

Silence. And a stony stare. Wow, tough crowd.

But I persevered. "I didn't know what to put for this one about complexion. Take a look. Would you say I'm oily or T-zone?"

"Your choices are fair, medium, or dark, sir."

Well, that's still tough. Dark's out of the question, but I've got a pretty good tan going. Do you think fair or medium?"

"We're not here to tell you what to write, sir. We take your $10 and hand you a piece of paper."

Oof. Sorry, Cyndi Lauper. I guess girls don't just want to have fun.

Every other question required a specific answer, but when it comes down to the color of your skin, your "complexion" (ie. your race), we now speak in code? Come on, people, have we sunk this deep into the quagmire of political correctness? Say it ain't so.

By the way, I picked "dark." "Fair" enough? Or should I have settled for a happy "medium"?