"THEY DO WEIRD TESTS AROUND HERE"

Cynthia had a health crisis last Wednesday that necessitated admission to a local hospital. The good news is everything's going to be fine. Because of the suddenness of her arrival no beds were immediately available so we had to begin the process in ER.



Real life ER sure wasn't much like the TV shows. For starters the cast, er, the employees, weren't cute; they were dumpy-looking and unattractive. Cynthia was waiting for McDreamy to walk in. Instead she got McDorky.



The doc wandered in looking at her chart and mumbling to himself. She asked him his name. He replied, "They do all kinds of weird tests around here." Dude obviously was a low performer in his "Bedside Manner Skills" course in med school. Dr. ? completed his cameo appearance muttering something else about weird tests and exited, never to be seen again.



I could have sworn dinosaurs were extinct, but a Snore-asaurus had apparently been captured and was being contained right on the other side of the curtain. Its frightening roar almost shook the walls. Actually it was an obese guy from Australia asleep in the next bed.



A nurse came in and told him to roll over. We heard her say, "Now if this turns blue there's blood in your stool. O-o-o-h-h-h----it's really turning blue!" Yikes.



Next to him was a zonked-out teenager in a school uniform sitting in a wheelchair and----staring. Her mom said something about overdosing on Benedryl. In the hall was a guy on a gurney who would occasionally sit up, hit on a passing nurse, then lie back down.



Geez, where was the team of shouting doctors running with a gurney carrying a shotgun blast victim? The maniacal patient that had to be physically restrained? The dramatic music?? These patients were so lame!!



Finally Cynthia's room was ready. At last, some peace and quiet. Um, except for her 84 year old roommate, who kept telling us shedidn'tknowwhyshewastheretheyhadn'tfedheranythingalldayshehopedhercarbatterywasn'tgoingtogodeadshedidn'twantherdaughter toknowshewasinthehospital-----



(Sigh)