Stairway to Hell

While once again trudging up and down the "Stairway to Hell" this morning I was inspired to compose a parody of its famous Led Zep namesake. In the tradition of Weird Al, here's OddEdd's version of "Stairway to Heaven."


There’s an hombre who knows
His legs are getting old
And he’s climbing the Stairway to Hell

When he gets there he knows
An Ibuprofen dose
Will allow him to get what he came for

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
And he’s climbing the Stairway to Hell

There’s a sign on the wall,
But he wants to be sure,
'Cause for him Spanish words
Have no meaning

Hell, he don’t need to cook
There’s delivery that brings
Sometimes all of our meals must
Be driven

Ooh, and it gives me hunger
Ooh, and it gives me hunger

There’s a feeling I get
When I just need to rest
And my body is crying
For sleeping

In my thoughts I have seen
Dreams of help for my knees
And the choices of maybe not cooking

Ooh, and it makes me older
Ooh, it really makes me older

And it’s whispered that soon
Workers may come at noon
Then the fridge will be in my apartment

And a new day will dawn
It won’t take too long
For the building to echo with laughter.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, ooh, whoa, oh

You’ve pulled a muscle in your sacro
Don’t be alarmed now
It’s just extreme need
For morphine

Yes, there are hot packs that you can go buy
But in the long run
There’s still time to find
The drugs you want

And it makes me younger

Aw, uh, oh

Your bowels are rumbling but they won’t go
Unless you say so
The diaper’s called Adult Depends

Dear hombre, can you hear the farts blow
And did you know
Your stairway reeks from you breaking wind?

And as he climbs to his abode
Carrying the groceries up two floors
There walks an hombre feeling low
Who whines a lot and wants to know
How everyone just tells him “no”
But if he’d listen it’s not hard
The truth will come to him at last
Whine all you want, someday they’ll come
Forget the clock, it’s Ecuador!

And he’s cli-i-mbing the Stairway-----
to Hell.